They say it's your birthday.....

Well, last week was my birthday. Chronologically, I turned 37, but mentally I turned 13, and physically a good 59. I am sad that I am starting to look like Skipp Sudduth, the actor who played John Sullivan on Third Watch.

Not to rip on Mr. Sudduth, who has entertained me for some time now, but looking like an out of shape, middle aged cop is not how I wanted to spend my 37th birthday.

My girls were so excited this year... more than before. I needed nothing this year and they went crazy at the Target One Spot, giving me all kinds of OFFICE paraphernalia they purchased for a dollar each. I have so many Dwight Shrute things, I am starting to wonder if I should start monitoring my Office watching. We may have a stalker in our midst... My poor wife had to endure the best gift which was staying up with Mackie who decided that she was done sleeping from 1:30 AM until about 3:45 on my birthday. Patty stayed up with her, which for those of you who know my wife, know that it was a brutal task for her. The woman needs every hour of the eight she needs and rarely gets. So, in return, I gave my wife a return present of sleeping in. Our morning ritual of eating cake was only Kendall, Jordan, and I. Poor woman didn't complain a bit that I laid over there snoring the whole time.

I was also given the gift of Salt Grass, where my girls always take me for my birthday. I love the tortilla soup there and apparently that is the only place my girls think I crave to eat. Good times.

Patty also came through, getting me some much needed shoes and clothes. Now I can walk around without parts of my shoe coming off (I wish that was an exaggeration).

I wish you all could be around my girls on a daily basis. They are all such blessings and so fun to be around. The twins are captivating and I really can't see why we haven't been begged to have them filmed or photographed. They are absolutely mesmerizing. Not to mention they have this uncanny act of winding you around their fingers.

Has it really been that long since I last blogged?

Man, does time fly when you are busy... What in the world has been going on? Well, since my last post, I have: gone to the beach, moved our office, sent #2 to Kindergarten, dressed up like a bird at church, agreed to be "BibleMan" at church, worked my tail off, got a month closer to my tenth year anniversary, and managed to go a year without having another kid.

I haven't had the itch to write anything so I haven't carved out the time. For some reason, it is 2:40 AM in the morning and I can't sleep. Life with the princesses has been fun. This summer, Patty has made it a mission to have a "fun day" every week. She took the girls to Six Flags, Splash Zone, Wiggly Play Center, Amazing Jake's, the movies, swimming, etc... The girls just dug it and it gave her a chance to get out and enjoy herself. We have also been going to the Plazas of the Americas and ice-skating on Wednesdays and Fridays. $10 family night and the girls are one step closer to being what they want to be when they grow up - Ice Skating Princess that help people!

Couple of observations on my end...

1 - School supply shopping is a beating. We are big fans of the bundle packs you can buy, but of course, Patty wants pictures of the girls on their first supply shopping experience. Since Jordan started Kindergarten this year, it meant numerous trips to get stuff. After getting 85% of the stuff for Kendall and Jordan, I had to take out another loan on my house.

2 - I am often stopped by random strangers and asked a myriad of silly questions. I would like to share a few with you... "those all yours?", "man, you are outnumbered, huh?", "you gonna try for a boy?", "are they twins?", "Bet you don't even know what your bathroom looks like?", "Why?" (Ok, so I made that one up, but I see that look on their faces). I honestly love the attention (those that know me, can attest). I welcome any and all people to talk to me about my 5 greatest accomplishments any time you want. Well, maybe not when it is complete mass chaos, which is when the majority come over and ask.

3- We are now signed up for two gymanstic classes, one cheerleading team, two soccer teams, and three preschool type programs. I am wondering what it will be like when all 5 of them are into something. I think to myself, this will never work, yet God has always had some sort of schedule planned for us that allows us to go to games and practices. It is a bit amazing when you think about it.

4- The twins are 19 months as of this post. I swear to you that there are not any cuter babies in the world. I can't tell you in words how fun and awesome it is to see them interact with one another. They are constantly hugging, kissing, and loving on one another and I just can't eat it up quick enough. I have hopefully enclosed a pic as evidence of their cuteness.

I will try to keep up with this as much as possible. Thank you to those that read. I like to talk so I am glad someone is on the other end. I have reached a point where I think I could actually fall asleep, so.... good night!

My Father's Day.....

Well, yesterday was Father's Day and I have to say, it was one of those that will forever be engraved in my mind and heart.

Started at 8 AM (yes, I got to sleep until 8 AM!!!)... Jordan has been clamouring about making me breakfast in bed so here it comes... Fruity Pebbles and two muffins.  The Pebbles are always good, but the muffins were shared amongst Jordan and Kendall, leaving me crumbs in my bed to save for later.  Alas, I didn't need them anyway.  2 out of 5 baths completed, only 3 of the seven of us are up (Patty went back to bed as she has not been feeling too hot lately).  I decide that we WILL make the 11AM service.  I have the older two dressed and ready as well as myself.  Well, the other three rugrats decide that they need to wish me a Happy Father's Day.  I try to wake Patty (no use) and then decide that if we can get the other three baths done, we will be in business to make service.  Well, don't know how many of you have tried to bathe two 16 month olds and a three year old in 30 minutes, but there are some other things that can be done before this feat.  Like drinking a whole gallon of milk at once, whistling while eating 20 crackers, and folding paper more than 7 times.   It was no use....  I tried and failed.

So, we cleaned up muffin messes until lunch.  Jordan, who has had this day planned for me for weeks, informs me that she wants homemade nachos or Taco Bueno, because that is what Daddy would want, she thinks.  We settle for homemade nachos and gifts!  I got a really cool "hand"made card with everyone's artistic impression on it, followed by... my coupon for one new iPhone 3g! (they don't come out for another month).  I also got my staple, a shirt with handprints on it. It has become one of my favorite things in life, seeing how much they each have grown.  I have one from two years ago with one spot for the baby #4 before we knew it was babies #4 and #5.  Very nice touch by Mrs. Brown.

Jordan then planned all the fun things "I" would want to do.  This included the following:  swimming at the pool, coloring, bike riding, making cookies (which we didn't get to do), getting an ice cream (we settled for 99 cent shakes at Sonic), calling Grumpy and Grandpa to wish them"Happy Father's Day",going to Chuck E. Cheese to claim our tickets, dinner, reading stories, and watching the girls "perform".  Needless to say, I did a lot of stuff, some things I didn't even know I liked to do.  My wife told me later that night that she thought Jordan was more excited about this day than I was.  Maybe I was in shock- after all, she is the only one of my children to tell me that they don't like me anymore.  I am glad she came around.

I also got some other "unexpected" presents.... Rylee decided to give me the gift of poop as she got it all over the bed during nap, Mackie decided that the best time to go find me at the pool was after she went to the bathroom and with her swimsuit at her ankles, Reagan gave me a tiny nail massage on my sunburned shoulders, and Kendall gave me a great kick in the crotch at the pool, while swimming away from me.  I am glad it is Jordan that is the only one that doesn't like me.

Let me tell you about the president of my fan club...

Last night, my wife and I were laying bed, deliriously tired from night 2 of VBS at church.  It was a little after 1 AM and we were just talking about things in our life, funny things that happened that day, the kids, etc...

It then hit me.  I am one lucky SOB.  I get frustrated with Patty.  I get upset that I am constantly not meeting expectations.  I know if she had the energy and time, she would spend the time that I want with her to myself, but who are we kidding.... 1 AM is the only time we got together.  I love the time we have together - talking, laughing, sharing our thoughts.  I know I don't meet her "perfect" image of a husband, but as she has told me many times before, I have "potential".

I love my wife.  I love that she only "acts" embarrassed when I make an ass of myself in front of people and large groups.  I love that if someone (even a large woman that could break her in half) says something ugly about me or to me, she will go to the mat, ready to fight - even in the middle of IKEA.  I think I don't give my wife credit for all that she does.  I mean the woman spends the majority of her day speaking to 5 little girls.  There are days that she will call and all I hear in the background is crying and screaming.  She left me a message the other day that was littered with screaming.  The message said, "please come home".  I know it is rough for her.  

Anyway, my reason for this post is to let you know how much I truly love my wife and what she is for me and my girls.  We were reading marriage quotes last night and ran across a quote that sums up my relationship with Patty.

As much as I would miss my wife if she were to die, I would miss what we are together even more. Our "we-ness" our "us-ness." - Carl Whitaker, family therapy pioneer

That is the greatness of our relationship, that we are in it together.  We have gone through some really great times and some of the lowest times I think we will ever hit and the one thing that remains constant is that we are together - a "we-ness".  A couple of weeks ago, our lead pastor encouraged us to really love people, not just those that return the favor.  He spoke of Divine Love and loving someone who does not or cannot reciprocate.  As Jeff said, there are times that families must divine love each other, as one is not able or willing to go the distance.  For the past two weeks, my wife and I have practiced this.  We tell each other that we divine love each other, letting the other one know that no matter what this world throws at us, we love each other.  No matter how many times I argue with her (and I don't know why I do, she is 98% right every time), no matter how stressed she is, no matter how late I work, no matter how frustrated I make her - DIVINE LOVE.  I have seen an improvement in my relationship with her. I see that although she gets frustrated with me for leaving piles of clothes on her clean floor, that she will give me a kiss when I need it. She has even been spotted, cleaning dried cereal out of bowls (which drives me ape-ishly insane).  It is magical the effect it has had on how I view her.  

I love my wife.  And, to let you know - this isn't for her to read.  You see, my wife has no interest in reading my blog.  She will go about her crazy life not knowing this is here, so all you haters can know that I am not doing this to get out of the doghouse.  I wanted to blog this to let you know that my wife is the President of my fan club and I couldn't be happier about it.  I am through taking her for granted and wanted to publicly let anyone that reads this to know that she is my number one blessing from God....

I promise the next ones will be about my greatest accomplishments - those 5 angels.

Feel good story...

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed his stupid ass against the railing, killing him instantly.


Probably wasn't the same elephant.

This kind of immature stuff makes me giggle like a school girl.

My race for the cure...

As I mentioned before, a colleague and good friend of mine, Denise Vadala, is battling breast cancer right now.  As I type this, Denise the super trooper, is working a couple of doors down from me - tired, hurting, and still so full of spirit.  Our company, Sentari Technologies, has decided to run for Denise, who is our inspiration right now.  I am (hopefully) including a link where, if you want, you can donate to the cause.  I know money is tight and there is always a reason to find why we can't give.  It all gets trumped when a worn out Denise comes into my office to ask me how MY day was and how I am doing.  If you can spare a dime, I will take it.

Thanks for the support.

Click here to visit my personal page and pledge your support.

http://race.komennorthtexas.org/site/TR/Race/General?px=1241457&pg=personal&fr_id=1020

If this page does not send you to my page, then you can easily look me up. respond and I will tell you how.

Thanks!

Mack Attack

I wanted to start this blog as a way to show the 6 of you that read this what life with my 5 girls is like.  I noticed it slowly went into what Browner does not care for and not so much about life with the girlies.  Well, #3 (Mack) is at such a great age right now.  I just love that age.... so excited about everything, so opinionated as well.  At three, she is so creative, coniving, and hilarious.  I wanted to share a couple of exerpts from the incredible wit of my three year old.

- The last couple of days, Mack has been on a Bible kick.  She takes #1's Bible and opens it up and tells us, "the Bible says..." and then proceeds to get on to us.  "Daddy, the Bible says don't run in the house".  "Mommy, the Bible says I need to eat some grapes now." Fun times.
- We have High School Musical Sing It on Wii.  Mack knows every word to every song from HSM2 and I tell you that the angels in Heaven could not make you smile more when she sings into that microphone.  You can't understand a dang word she says, but she is singing the words.  The best part is that at the beginning you have a microphone check and Mack gets that belly laugh that only babies and toddlers can have.  Greatness.
- The other day, my wife was getting on to Mack for going outside and getting muddy.  Mack looked at her and told her that she was just rude and annoying.  It wasn't ugly, she just wanted her to know that her comments were rude... and annoying.  Out of the mouths of babes...
- My wife and Mack were looking for her shoes (a tradition our whole family goes through).  Mack had an idea of where they were and looked up at my wife and said, "Am I sinkin' what you are sinkin'?"  I guess my wife was sinkin' that the shoes were outside.

On another note, I was told today for the first time that one of my precious angels doesn't like me anymore. #2 (my 5  year old) was really mad at me because I don't wake her up like mommy does.  She looked me right in the eyes and told me she would do what I asked, but she did not want to do it because she just doesn't like me anymore.  I played it off, but on our ride to school, I tried to broach the subject with her again.  We worked on a way to wake her up that won't lead to grumpiness, but before she got out, I heard her mumble, I still don't like you.  I let it go, but it has been eating at me all morning.  I don't know what I am going to do when hormones get involved.

Tales from the cemetery in May, TX

Well, wanted to share a fun, but yet stressful experience with my kiddos this weekend. My wife works in adoption... she goes and sees families that are wanting to adopt and does the social work study on the families. One of her duties is to see the families once a year to make sure there are no issues, etc...

Well, the family goes with her on these trips. Sometimes they are across town and others are as far as Houston, Waco, Brownwood, TX. If she drives, we usually go with her, as the kids love the road trip (and DVDs in the car), not to mention eating fast food and BLIZZARDS on the way home! Most of the time we find a really cool place to go (i.e.-Fiesta Texas, Houston Aquarium) and make a day of it. It may sound like a beating, but we all seem to like it (except the twins, who don't like not walking around all the time).

So... here is our normal plan. Patty goes to the family's house, while the 5 rugrats and I go and find something fun to do. She is usually gone for an hour, so we go to the park, McDonalds, Wal-mart - even once to a cool little town fair. It is all good. Well, don't know if you readers have ever been to May, Texas, but there isn't crap from Highway 20 and Brownwood. As we drove down our fourth dirt road, it became clear that there would be no joy in the Brown Suburban today, for there is nothing but freaking farms, hay bales, and cows for miles and miles. We dropped off the Mrs., and went on a trek to find something for 5 kids (ages 7-15 mos) to do.

I decided to go west on FM 2273 only to find a little community about 3 miles west. I believe the community was Lakeside Estates or something like that. Nice name, if there were a freaking lake anywhere in the freaking vicinity. I found out where the derilecs in Deliverance live when they aren't taking Ned Beaty to town. Shantyville, I mean NO Lakeside Estates had two parts... double wide, and make shift double wide. We drove by a community playground that had a bunch of rusty, metal playground equipment on it. There was even a teenager in a wife beater making out with some tweener on the merry-go-round. My kids were begging for me to stop and play and got upset when I said no... "why not?"

"Cuz, we aren't all up to date on our tetnus honey"
"What's that?"
"Hey look guys, more four wheelers!"

So, once I hightailed it out of One Tooth Hill, we went back east on FM 2273. Again nothing....

But alas, there was something ahead. It was the great cemetery of May, Texas. I did what any good father did and let the kids walk around the cemetery looking at tombstones. All was fine, until I smelled that one of the twins had pooped. Went to the Suburban to change her when my oldest three tell me they have to pee and right now. Luckily, I am married to a very organized woman. She had a portable potty (for #3 and her potty training) in the back. So, we open up the back and what once held strollers, dry cleaning, and lawn chairs, is now a bathroom. #5 goes, #4 goes, and #3 goes, while I am changing the stinky baby. I decide to be a good parent and change the other twin, when #3 comes back to the truck to let me know she has pooped on a grave. Thank the Lord, she only meant that she pooped while looking at a grave. She did however crap her pants..... something organized mommy was not ready for.... nor was unorganized daddy. SO, #3 has on one the twin's diapers and I am trying to clean a potty for the third time while trying to find somewhere for poopy Dora panties to go. My wife then decides it is a good time to call me and let me know she is done and needs me to come get her...NOW! All seemed lost until Bubba and his fourwheeler showed up and asked, "Is y'all lost?" (cue Banjo music)

Needless to say, we made it to my wife and we made it home. Thought the day was going to be ok until I got home. All the kids were asleep and as I picked up #1 (who is a hefty seven year old), she whispers in my ear, "cemeteries aren't very fun, daddy".

Yeah KB, but they make for a good story for your old man to remember.

Forget it Friday

Well.... here we go...

1) Forget doing this list EVERY Friday. I missed a week and now I am behind. Just another thing to start whipping me into complete dispair.

2) Forget underhanded sub-contracting recruiters that pull their good people at the last minute and try to replace them with crap. If I wanted crap I would subcontract through my twins - they give me crap all the time. And sometimes more than what I ask for.

3) Forget cleaning... I mean seriously... I had the fortune of staying home yesterday and just picked up my house. I mowed, I baked a freaking cake, I not only washed clothes, but I folded them and put them up (ok 95% of them). I wake up this morning and see that a tornado has hit my home... just crap everywhere.... are you freaking kidding me?

4) Forget depression.... I think I have been battling a bad case of it for the last two weeks. It just wears me down. I am too tired to do anything but breathe and my sweet girls just want to play with their dad. Some of you would probably say, you should just do that Ten Things Tuesday to put your mind in perspective.... to that I say.... um, no.

5)Forget finishing this 5. I lost steam thanks to that phone call, Michelle. Now I am not only behind a week, but also a number. Man... what a beat down.

Seriously.... I would like to also take this time to ask anyone that reads this to say a quick prayer for a good friend and co-worker of mine, Denise. Two weeks ago, Denise found out she has a tumor in her breast that covers over 3/4 of the breast. She immediately went into chemo and has having all kinds of work done to get rid of it. She has been so incredibly strong and in good spirits. While I haven't had the closest of relationships, this situation has made us stronger friends and I really don't want this thing to get her. The world is not ready to be without her. SO... could you guys, gals, kids, and alpacas please pray for her. She is a good and decent person and she is being so super strong right now. Thanks!

Also... having felt like my privates were the soccer ball in a World Cup tourney, I took the advice of a friend and read the book of Job again. I charge any of you to read it... especially when you are down. It really puts perspectives on things. Have a great weekend.

Forget it Five Friday...

Buddy of mine (JSkelty) has decided to join a cool group called Ten Thing Tuesday. I like the idea - post ten things you are thankful for. Well, being the butt that I am, I figured there is a way my style of writing can partake.

I give you..... Forget it Five Friday. I will list 5 things that I could really do without. While I am very thankful, I think this new look at it will help me steer clear of the things that steal my top ten thankful things.

1. Forget quotas.... my whole life is filled with them. Can't stand em, don't care about em. Just know I will do what I can do.... that is it.

2. Forget car repair people (besides Scott, who fixed my brakes yesterday).... those of us that are practically clueless are just a bunch of victims to your scare tactics and car part jargon. So what, I don't know what a caliper is and why it is important that it doesn't stick. I don't care.

3. Forget potty training.... even when I think #3 has it down, she wakes me up with urine EVERYWHERE! How can something that small have so much urine... really!?!?!?

4. Forget storms with excessive hail, wind, and flooding.... I think I am part dog cuz whenever the wind starts howling in the early morning, it is me and the Jack Russell just sitting there shaking in the corner, pissing on ourselves and looking for shelter. Wait, maybe #3 heard the storm too?

5. Forget joy stealers... I know that I am one of those too at times (maybe even to the good people that did top ten tuesday), but for the love of Pete, can I just enjoy a minute of victory? How about finding out that we overpaid the hospital on a bill only to find out that something the doctor did is not covered and will take double the overpayment to pay it off.... freaking joy stealer.

Man, it is good to get it off my chest

Do I look fat in these jeans?

I don't know what it is.... maybe being surrounded by 6 women at home, surrounded by 8 women in the office, having about 50% of my friends as women, but I think I am hormonal or going through manstration.

One minute I am happy, the next miserable. I ate half a turkey wrap last night and felt bloated all evening. I watched the "last lecture" from Randy Pausch (go to Skelty's blog as reference and click on it) and I am an emotional wreck. Mind you, I am not bawling, but I do have the lump in the throat and just one father/daughter song from crying my eyes out. By the way, how many more stupid Cinderella songs are there?!?! I mean it is bad enough that #3 has officially changed her name to Cinderella, but to hear these stinking songs about dancing with your daughter and watching her grow up... PLEASE stop! I am begging you. Add to that that one minute my kids are hitting every nerve they can and then the next, I can't stop hugging them. I just hate seeing them grow up so quickly. I am not sure (it may be my office) but I keep getting these flashes of heat. Boy, if cramps are next, then I am O-U-T!

So, yet another thing to add to the list of why I am the gayest straight guy you know, Tricky. It is like God thought I just got the hang of dealing with women and He thinks I need to know a bit more. That and this pregnant belly! ARGH! Anyway, it is official... I am a woman!

Good times on highway 35

Well, this past weekend, the family decided to go to San Antonio and have a mini spring break vacation. This time the trip consisted of Fiesta Texas where we got Season Passes for the family, cheaper than at SFOT and they work at any park, a couple of nights in a hotel (with a pool!), and a trip to the Alamo and of course Riverwalk.

First thing first - yes we went with just the 7 of us and no, we aren't mental. We weathered DisneyWorld by ourselves, surely San Antonio would be a cake walk. Well... maybe not Cowboy Bill. We went to San Antonio so my wife could do one of her adoption studies. Well, she made the appointment at 10:30 AM, which meant the Magnificent Seven left our abode at 5:00 AM. Thanks to yours truly, it was more like 5:45AM. Interestingly enough, the kids were not bothered by being woken up in order to sit in the car for another 4 1/2 hours. Movies were playing, mom was sleeping, and dad had his ipod on to keep him happy.

San Antonio... what can I say about it? Well, you better get on the ball if you want to look like somewhat of a clean city by the time the Final Four comes around. I mean, jeez... construction, graffiti, buildings that looked condemned - and that was just at our hotel! Seriously, the hotel was not that bad. The pool was heated, but was positioned around a wind tunnel of buildings to create somewhat of an arctic blast motiff. Of course the kids were just stoked to get in the water. #1 is like a fish out of water... all she wanted to do was jump in and do all kinds of breaststrokes, butterfly strokes, etc... Luckily, the twins never saw the pool. They were too busy getting their grimy hands onto every thing that wasn't nailed down in the room. The hotel was nice to us... they gave us free breakfast for having to endure some idiot from DC that had the most sensitive car on the planet. Every time the wind blew, this alarm would go off. From 1:30 AM (when I noticed it) until we left at 11:00 AM that dang alarm would go off and made it darn near impossible not to kill someone. Good times...

So... Fiesta Texas! This place is great and I will tell you why. It lets you buy beer and wine! I am beside myself with this place. Every few feet there is a soda stand followed by a beer stand. It is the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed. The kids loved the park... the twins being able to ride some of the small kid rides and #1 and #2 getting to enjoy most of the big, cool rides. Man, I just had a ball, standing in line with #1, seeing her get excited about her next big adventure. She is amazed by everything... I love that about her. I remember being that way as a kid and I hope that adulthood and life doesn't pull it away from her like it has me at times. My wife says we are one and the same - I think that disappointments in life has killed a part of that enthusiasm. Another thing - traveling with 5 kids (two that are the cutest twins on the planet) is like being a pop star. Your either being pointed at or total strangers come and ask you all sorts of questions. You have your hands full? Are those all yours and are they all girls? Man, you guys are brave... (when I know they are thinking, You guys are stupid!), Do you have your own bathroom or do they make you go outside? You saving up for all those weddings? I used to acknowledge the stares and side comments, now I just ignore it. If someone does come up, I try to be as accommodating as possible. I know it is a spectacle... I am amazed every day.

The Alamo is fun... #1 studied about it last week at school and it was cool to see it through her eyes. Of course, she was a bit puzzled to why it is such a big deal since we lost. It's hard explaining to a seven year old that holding off hundred of Mexican soldiers was a cool feat. Also, it is hard explaining that they weren't all Texans either. I tell you what... that place gets me. Walking around that courtyard, I imagine being back in that time, scared as hell, being all alone with nothing to shield you but those walls. Then I walk out of the garden and see the big neon sign for TOMB RIDER 3 and Ripley's Believe it or Not ride and all is back to normal. If only Davy Crockett knew Lara Croft... then we would be able to talk about the great win in Texas history.

What else? I have gone on forever... sorry... I thought it was cool how the riverwalk had the water green for St. Patrick's Day... then I realized it is always that murky green color. Oh, and for all you bargain shoppers, San Marcos has an outlet center that makes Grapevine Mills look like a neighborhood Walmart. They have every store imaginable and everything is 50-60% off, all the time. My poor wife went window shopping on Monday. Couldn't buy anything because I have decided to give her mad money to the IRS for the next 3 years. Seeing her prance from store to store was depressing.... Coach, Brighton, Pottery Barn, Carters, Children's Store, you name it - they have it. It was a cool site. Just need to win the lottery and let her go bananas. One day, honey.... one day. Then you can be content you let the last 9 1/2 years get away from you with me by your side. I digress....

Besides the dirtiness, the stupid DC car that wouldn't stop honking, the twins getting raisin diarrhea, cutting through Austin rush hour, listening to the Great Muppet Caper, farmer's sunburn I received, annoying my wife, my kids hating being in the car now, and not getting to eat at Casa Ole, it was a great trip. And yes, they are all girls and they are all mine. And I am neither brave or stupid. Just like amusement parks.

Motivation needed for this crappy Wednesday...

This morning, I was driving into work and heard over the radio that some idiot woman tossed her 8 and 5 year old boys off the Jim Miller bridge onto HWY 30 rush hour and it sent me in two major emotional states - complete and utter anger and a disheartening sadness for those two innocent children that will never be the same - and that is IF they survive the accident. I am a man that does not stand up for much. My wife often kids, argues, and complains that my lack of backbone causes a lot of turmoil in her life. But, there is one thing I cannot stand and that is the abuse of children. Not to go on a tirade about it - I had this nasty film of disgust on me during my drive into the office.

Now, for the good part....

I get in and there is an e-mail in my inbox. I am a member of a website for job seekers and the founder of this site sent out to these people to have them keep their heads and spirits up. Some of these people have been out of work for some time. I read the e-mail and God just put a boost of energy and hopefulness in my heart. I hope the 6 of you that read this have the same thing happen to you.

I’ve just re-discovered a YouTube video that reveals the secret to success in your job hunt… or anything else in life. Now, you may have seen this before, but give me just 2 minutes and 44 seconds this crisp March Monday morning, and have a look at this video.

No matter how many times I watch this video, it gets me every time. That, Readers, is the secret to success in your job hunt, your life, or anything else you’ve ever wanted to do, accomplish, or be.

I’d like to ask you to really think about Jason McElwain today.

I’d like to ask you to really think about what he’s gone through in his life—folks telling him he’s different, he’s handicapped, he’s not able to do things the other kids do.

Everybody had their little box; their little box into which they put their preconceived idea of what Jason was capable of and what Jason could be. And maybe sometimes we all feel like we’re in that little box. Maybe sometimes we all get pigeon-holed or typecast or put down a path that we didn’t choose. Maybe that’s why you found your way here to us and to this newsletter; because you didn’t feel that the box that other people had come up with really represented you or what you are capable of becoming. You didn’t feel that that box was fair.

And that’s what I’d really like for you to think about today, Readers, because Jason McElwain is here to teach you something. The lesson of Jason McElwain that we’ve shared this morning is… there is no box.

There are no preconceptions or typecasting or opinions that can ever change who you are. Those are other people’s thoughts, other people’s errors.

And if you have it within you—if you have the talent, or the dream, or the desire, or the smarts, or the capability—if you have it within you, other people’s words are just smoke drifting by in the mid-day breeze. They can’t change you or stop you.

The lesson of Jason McElwain that we’ve shared this morning is that there is nothing stopping you; there is nothing that can hold you back; there is nothing that you can’t achieve if only you know you can achieve it.

So please, Readers, let’s be humble. Let’s be humble today and learn from Jason McElwain.

Sure, as a subscriber to this $100k+ jobs newsletter you are in the top 10% of the American workforce today, and in the top 1% of all successful professionals across the globe. But, today, let’s be humble, and let’s learn just this one lesson from a determined, enthusiastic, amazing, beautiful kid in upstate New York…

There’s nothing stopping us—nothing at all.

Well, that didn't work...

Well my friends, 3 days is the max.

I arrived at #2's soccer practice today to have my wife jump in front of me and demand that I kiss her for going 3 days without. WTH!?!? So she does notice! I guess that type of affection has to be handle up on daily. So, my quest is over, and worse off, it didn't send her in to a tizzy. In fact, after giving me a nice kiss, she quickly reminded me that it didn't mean I should go back to the begging, pleading, bartering for sexual favors. Why even bother kissing then, right? kidding... sort of.

They call me the slacker....

Well, tribe... it has been a long time. What can I say? I just feel like I don't have the time that I would like to put into this. Frustrating....

Here are the highlights of my month so far....

1) #2 shoved a wadded up name tag up her nose and didn't tell anyone until her nostril got infected. After 15 minutes of parental surgery, we pulled said name tag out of her nose only to have her let us know that at NO time did she stick anything up her nose.... well, after unfolding it to have the name tag show, she quickly remembered and her reasoning for not saying anything was, "well, the other one I shoved up other nose came right out." Very amusing I suppose, until we found out that it was 8 days earlier when she stuck it up there. You can't make that stuff up.

2) Poker night - last Friday, got a very seldom guy's night out. Went to Tricky's to play cards (1 hour of real poker, followed by 8 hours of Abilene Guts). Good times because Browner came home with over $100 that he didn't have before GOOD TIMES! Bad times was watching the sloth attack of Wells and Chad fighting over a silly $7 pot. So... these two mammoths go pushing each other resulting in Tricky screaming (sight I thought I would never see) and Chad charging out of the house. It would have been very dramatic if it weren't for two minor things - Skelty sitting there in between the two of them, drinking his beer as if he were just watching a movie and Chad storming out only to get caught up with Sophie the wonder pug and apologizing to the "puppy dog" on his way out. Way to make an exit, Scarface.

3) Found out that as happy as I was to be out of debt, the government has put me right back in with a stupid mistake done by yours truly. My wife is right, there are some things that I am good at (mind you she couldn't list any at that moment), but money just ain't it. I can FIND ways to spend money.

4) I have a quest. I could go into the reasons why I am on this quest, but it is probably better not to at this time. The quest is to see how long I can go with out kissing my wife or trying any advances toward her. She stated the other day that all I ever do is go around trying to kiss her when she is busy (sometimes I do that just to get her going... it's fun, just trust me). And when I am not doing that, I am begging, bartering, threatening, pleading, whimpering to have sex. So.... trying to see how this goes. Juvenile? yes. Immature? of course. But I just checked with Vegas and my over/under is 2 weeks. Can I go two weeks living with my wife like she was a roommate? I think I could actually go a whole month, but one day at time, soldiers! BTW, we are at 2 days and counting!

5) Went yesterday to make sure my vasectomy took. Well, first of all... the doctor I went to does not want to have you "obtaining your specimen" there. So, they give you a cup to use no longer than 1 hour before visit. Of course, I lost the cup they gave me for a specimen. Then after the humiliation for asking for another cup 15 minutes before my appt., I was in a quandary. I am too far from the house and really don't know where to go to obtain such specimen. Let me just tell you something - not a big fan of "obtaining specimens" in any type of public area. I had to go the 8th floor of another building, find a bathroom area that I can lock the door and have some privacy, just to get this taken care of. And another thing, they give you this big gigantic cup.... come on now... you seriously think we need that big cup? So.... as if it isn't embarrassing enough of what I have already said, I go in and the doctor, in front of 2-3 women, pulls out my specimen cup from the discrete bag I was given and holds it up to the light. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!?!?!? I wait in my room, wanting to just die of an aneurysm right there so I won't have to make the embarrassing walk down the hall. Doc comes in and tells me that I still have some live swimmers and that I have to come back in one month. In the meantime... "have lots of protected sex with your wife to get rid of all living". Great.... 1 day into my quest and I have a doctor prescribing sex with my wife. I did ask if he could write it down on a prescription tablet for my wife - a joke I am sure he has heard a million times. Too bad I am on my quest now.

This is my life!

Where the hell have I been?

Well, in true Browner fashion.... I forgot my ID and password. Yes, a smart man would have just hit the "forgot id and password" button, but that is not the way I roll my friends. I am a simple man. I cannot take the two minutes out of my day to hit a freaking button.... I digress....
So...what to talk about. You know, I have about had it with my job. It is like I start over every week. I could have the best week in the world and by Monday, I am back to being at square one with something to have to prove and I just get tired. Tired of proving that I can be the sole provider for my family while keeping it together personally, professionally, and spiritually. I am exhausted when I get home and while my wife does 110% of the jobs around the house, there is always more to be done. The 5 little "angels" seem to get into EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! It is like I am a hamster in that wheel, just running and running and running... How did Forrest Gump do it?

On a better note... we got a Wii on Sunday. This purchase will cause 1 or more of 3 things: (a) my divorce (b) the end of my job, (c) end of my sanity. I love it... it is so simple, but yet so appealing. I highly recommend you try it. I am not the junkie Skelty is with his Band of Halo Brothers, but I do enjoy playing. On Sunday, after the Super Bowl, I whipped my wife's butt on bowling, golf, baseball, and, only to come home on Monday and get waxed by my FREAKING 5 year old who bowled a 169! She is not even able to stand up after bowling, she is so out of control... yet, she destroys me.

SB commercials... while I won't say I hated them all like the masses, I will just point out the things that made me giggle. Andy in drag in the Justin Timberlake/Pepsi one, the giant mouse beating the hell out of that guy with the Doritos (I could just picture Tricky choking on a pork rib as that 200 lb. mouse busts through the wall and delivers a beating to that dude. Crappy commercial, but funny moment. I also thought about Tricky when the baby was creeped out by the clown he had bought with his e-Trade extra coin. For those that don't know, Tricky is a bit freaked out by clowns... that is why when I win the lottery, I am renting a different clown to follow him around every day for a year. Should be minutes of fun. My absolute favorite commercial though was the talking stain... only because the guy interviewing reminded me of Skelty and I could just see him in one of the many interviews he has had in his life with this gigantic stain talking over him. Man, that is some funny stuff. I guess it is better than having you belt open during an interview, right Toby?

There... I got some stuff out of my head. See you guys in two weeks unless I can remember my password this time.

CEC, potty training, and interview oopsies...

Well, #3 turned three on Friday, the twins (#4 and #5) turned one on Saturday. As tradition, the family goes to Chuck E. Cheese on the birthday. Friday night was wonderful, except I came home from work with a 103 temp. So... sitting in a booth, shivering, while my family celebrates #3's existence.... good times. I slept from 8:30 PM until 9:23 AM (a record for my insomniatic butt), then off the CEC for round 2. This time it was better... seeing your one year olds really "getting into" the characters and their surroundings. I swear they can't get cuter. This weekend was full of cleaning up messes. I love my three year old, but the dog has to sit outside when she wets on the floor... so out you should go. I just don't get how it makes her so happy to piss on herself. I mean, it can't be that great or we would all do it. And the crapping in your pants... I know she knows it smells.... I just don't get kids... thank God I have 5 of them.

Last note... this morning, I am part of an interview for a new sales guy. This guy just happens to have worked with one of my most trusted friends and former colleagues. I ask said friend for some inside knowledge. She gives me this - supposedly this sales guy has a unique dog and has been literally stopped on the streets to talk about the dog. So, trying to be funny and ease the interview tension, I tell sales guy, "So, anything you would like to tell me about your dog?" With tears in his eyes, he says, "well, she died about a month ago and we are still having some problems with it." - Isn't that just great...... Why do I suck so much?

Great kick in the crotch by life..... you win again, but I will be avenged.

Am I too friendly?

In the past 3 months, I have had more shots to the nuts about my behavior and attitude towards working people. Whenever at a restaurant, your local Target, bar, etc... I have been told that I am too nice and that (how did you put it, Tricky?) "way too happy to be waited on". I have tried and tried to figure out why that is. As I sat today, getting a haircut, I was making small talk with my barber/stylist (what do you call them now?). She is as interested in me as I am in listening to my aunt discuss her stomach "issues", but nonetheless, I put it on thicker. I couldn't care less about this chick, but here I am - trying to be funnier, trying to come up with funny quips, giving her my self-loathing routine (usually a killer). Nothing. So I have decided that there is only one thing to do.

Screw 'em.

Screw her for not acting interested in my kids and my pathetic life. Guess you don't want that tip do you, sweet cheeks? And for the rest of you... don't expect crap from me. Bring me my food and beverage. Don't make eye contact and don't expect anything from me in return. I am tired of trying to be liked by EVERYONE. So what if people don't like me. My closest friends like me just fine and the last time I checked, I didn't need some $10/hr bartender to be my friend either. Screw 'em. I guess I have hit the age where I am starting to just not care. It is about friggin' time too. I spent my whole life trying to get people to like me and working harder to make those who I thought didn't like me to like me. So, if you get the feeling that I am less friendlier to you...well, then I guess you got the message. I obviously know you don't care about me one bit, so frick off. You stupid sack.

Man, I feel better.... this bloggin' stuff works.

Where I be?

Well, taking out blogging time is killing me. I am not able to do it at work (although that is what I am doing currently), and the last month has been the most chaotic my personal life has been. We went on vacation, my whole family caught something from Disney World, and just as we got a clean bill of health on Monday, I am starting to get sick again. That, on top of my wife still in pain from surgery, our house has suffered only less than the dogs. So.. to my two readers (thanks for that funny line Skelty), I am sorry for not blogging more. I would like to get into DW talk, why the Cowboys broke my heart on Sunday, why cool crap happens to people like my buddy Wells, but never me, and life in general.... BUT, work is calling. Must start producing at the beginning of the year so the rest of the year is a breeze.

The initial voyage...

Well, here we go...
After a friend of mine decided to start blogging, I was encouraged to go ahead and let the world see just a little peek into the chasm that is my brain. First, a bit about me...

My name is JD. As the blog suggests, I live with a lot of women... 6 to be exact. 1 beautiful wife and 5 gorgeous daughters. My day is spent in the recruiting world, looking for superior IT talent. My free time (what little I do possess) are spent mostly at home, sprinkled with doses of quality time with my two closest friends - Skelty and Tricky. I mention these two because I believe I will spend many days blogging about the phenomenon that is the Crotch Kick Club. The three of us have the uncanny ability to bring bad luck into our lives at the drop of a hat. It never fails that, just when I think my life has gone south, Skelty will e-mail to let me know that his Christmas bonus will be spent on fixing the heater or Tricky will call to let me know his boss handed him a 5 hour project at 5:30 PM, to be done by 9 AM the next day, while his life at home is not ready to concede their time. Sure, it may seem like little things to you, the reader... but believe, me - it piles on.... day after day, it runs it course through our lives. Like acid in the stomach.... just churning and churning....

Luckily, we are all happily married with wonderful children, and we have a support group of friends that will laugh at you until you realize that they are little things.

So, welcome.... welcome to my brain... I am sure there will not be much to it, but it is mine and I am used to it. I like it here.