Tales from the cemetery in May, TX

Well, wanted to share a fun, but yet stressful experience with my kiddos this weekend. My wife works in adoption... she goes and sees families that are wanting to adopt and does the social work study on the families. One of her duties is to see the families once a year to make sure there are no issues, etc...

Well, the family goes with her on these trips. Sometimes they are across town and others are as far as Houston, Waco, Brownwood, TX. If she drives, we usually go with her, as the kids love the road trip (and DVDs in the car), not to mention eating fast food and BLIZZARDS on the way home! Most of the time we find a really cool place to go (i.e.-Fiesta Texas, Houston Aquarium) and make a day of it. It may sound like a beating, but we all seem to like it (except the twins, who don't like not walking around all the time).

So... here is our normal plan. Patty goes to the family's house, while the 5 rugrats and I go and find something fun to do. She is usually gone for an hour, so we go to the park, McDonalds, Wal-mart - even once to a cool little town fair. It is all good. Well, don't know if you readers have ever been to May, Texas, but there isn't crap from Highway 20 and Brownwood. As we drove down our fourth dirt road, it became clear that there would be no joy in the Brown Suburban today, for there is nothing but freaking farms, hay bales, and cows for miles and miles. We dropped off the Mrs., and went on a trek to find something for 5 kids (ages 7-15 mos) to do.

I decided to go west on FM 2273 only to find a little community about 3 miles west. I believe the community was Lakeside Estates or something like that. Nice name, if there were a freaking lake anywhere in the freaking vicinity. I found out where the derilecs in Deliverance live when they aren't taking Ned Beaty to town. Shantyville, I mean NO Lakeside Estates had two parts... double wide, and make shift double wide. We drove by a community playground that had a bunch of rusty, metal playground equipment on it. There was even a teenager in a wife beater making out with some tweener on the merry-go-round. My kids were begging for me to stop and play and got upset when I said no... "why not?"

"Cuz, we aren't all up to date on our tetnus honey"
"What's that?"
"Hey look guys, more four wheelers!"

So, once I hightailed it out of One Tooth Hill, we went back east on FM 2273. Again nothing....

But alas, there was something ahead. It was the great cemetery of May, Texas. I did what any good father did and let the kids walk around the cemetery looking at tombstones. All was fine, until I smelled that one of the twins had pooped. Went to the Suburban to change her when my oldest three tell me they have to pee and right now. Luckily, I am married to a very organized woman. She had a portable potty (for #3 and her potty training) in the back. So, we open up the back and what once held strollers, dry cleaning, and lawn chairs, is now a bathroom. #5 goes, #4 goes, and #3 goes, while I am changing the stinky baby. I decide to be a good parent and change the other twin, when #3 comes back to the truck to let me know she has pooped on a grave. Thank the Lord, she only meant that she pooped while looking at a grave. She did however crap her pants..... something organized mommy was not ready for.... nor was unorganized daddy. SO, #3 has on one the twin's diapers and I am trying to clean a potty for the third time while trying to find somewhere for poopy Dora panties to go. My wife then decides it is a good time to call me and let me know she is done and needs me to come get her...NOW! All seemed lost until Bubba and his fourwheeler showed up and asked, "Is y'all lost?" (cue Banjo music)

Needless to say, we made it to my wife and we made it home. Thought the day was going to be ok until I got home. All the kids were asleep and as I picked up #1 (who is a hefty seven year old), she whispers in my ear, "cemeteries aren't very fun, daddy".

Yeah KB, but they make for a good story for your old man to remember.