Well my friends, 3 days is the max.
I arrived at #2's soccer practice today to have my wife jump in front of me and demand that I kiss her for going 3 days without. WTH!?!? So she does notice! I guess that type of affection has to be handle up on daily. So, my quest is over, and worse off, it didn't send her in to a tizzy. In fact, after giving me a nice kiss, she quickly reminded me that it didn't mean I should go back to the begging, pleading, bartering for sexual favors. Why even bother kissing then, right? kidding... sort of.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
They call me the slacker....
Well, tribe... it has been a long time. What can I say? I just feel like I don't have the time that I would like to put into this. Frustrating....
Here are the highlights of my month so far....
1) #2 shoved a wadded up name tag up her nose and didn't tell anyone until her nostril got infected. After 15 minutes of parental surgery, we pulled said name tag out of her nose only to have her let us know that at NO time did she stick anything up her nose.... well, after unfolding it to have the name tag show, she quickly remembered and her reasoning for not saying anything was, "well, the other one I shoved up other nose came right out." Very amusing I suppose, until we found out that it was 8 days earlier when she stuck it up there. You can't make that stuff up.
2) Poker night - last Friday, got a very seldom guy's night out. Went to Tricky's to play cards (1 hour of real poker, followed by 8 hours of Abilene Guts). Good times because Browner came home with over $100 that he didn't have before GOOD TIMES! Bad times was watching the sloth attack of Wells and Chad fighting over a silly $7 pot. So... these two mammoths go pushing each other resulting in Tricky screaming (sight I thought I would never see) and Chad charging out of the house. It would have been very dramatic if it weren't for two minor things - Skelty sitting there in between the two of them, drinking his beer as if he were just watching a movie and Chad storming out only to get caught up with Sophie the wonder pug and apologizing to the "puppy dog" on his way out. Way to make an exit, Scarface.
3) Found out that as happy as I was to be out of debt, the government has put me right back in with a stupid mistake done by yours truly. My wife is right, there are some things that I am good at (mind you she couldn't list any at that moment), but money just ain't it. I can FIND ways to spend money.
4) I have a quest. I could go into the reasons why I am on this quest, but it is probably better not to at this time. The quest is to see how long I can go with out kissing my wife or trying any advances toward her. She stated the other day that all I ever do is go around trying to kiss her when she is busy (sometimes I do that just to get her going... it's fun, just trust me). And when I am not doing that, I am begging, bartering, threatening, pleading, whimpering to have sex. So.... trying to see how this goes. Juvenile? yes. Immature? of course. But I just checked with Vegas and my over/under is 2 weeks. Can I go two weeks living with my wife like she was a roommate? I think I could actually go a whole month, but one day at time, soldiers! BTW, we are at 2 days and counting!
5) Went yesterday to make sure my vasectomy took. Well, first of all... the doctor I went to does not want to have you "obtaining your specimen" there. So, they give you a cup to use no longer than 1 hour before visit. Of course, I lost the cup they gave me for a specimen. Then after the humiliation for asking for another cup 15 minutes before my appt., I was in a quandary. I am too far from the house and really don't know where to go to obtain such specimen. Let me just tell you something - not a big fan of "obtaining specimens" in any type of public area. I had to go the 8th floor of another building, find a bathroom area that I can lock the door and have some privacy, just to get this taken care of. And another thing, they give you this big gigantic cup.... come on now... you seriously think we need that big cup? So.... as if it isn't embarrassing enough of what I have already said, I go in and the doctor, in front of 2-3 women, pulls out my specimen cup from the discrete bag I was given and holds it up to the light. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!?!?!? I wait in my room, wanting to just die of an aneurysm right there so I won't have to make the embarrassing walk down the hall. Doc comes in and tells me that I still have some live swimmers and that I have to come back in one month. In the meantime... "have lots of protected sex with your wife to get rid of all living". Great.... 1 day into my quest and I have a doctor prescribing sex with my wife. I did ask if he could write it down on a prescription tablet for my wife - a joke I am sure he has heard a million times. Too bad I am on my quest now.
This is my life!
Here are the highlights of my month so far....
1) #2 shoved a wadded up name tag up her nose and didn't tell anyone until her nostril got infected. After 15 minutes of parental surgery, we pulled said name tag out of her nose only to have her let us know that at NO time did she stick anything up her nose.... well, after unfolding it to have the name tag show, she quickly remembered and her reasoning for not saying anything was, "well, the other one I shoved up other nose came right out." Very amusing I suppose, until we found out that it was 8 days earlier when she stuck it up there. You can't make that stuff up.
2) Poker night - last Friday, got a very seldom guy's night out. Went to Tricky's to play cards (1 hour of real poker, followed by 8 hours of Abilene Guts). Good times because Browner came home with over $100 that he didn't have before GOOD TIMES! Bad times was watching the sloth attack of Wells and Chad fighting over a silly $7 pot. So... these two mammoths go pushing each other resulting in Tricky screaming (sight I thought I would never see) and Chad charging out of the house. It would have been very dramatic if it weren't for two minor things - Skelty sitting there in between the two of them, drinking his beer as if he were just watching a movie and Chad storming out only to get caught up with Sophie the wonder pug and apologizing to the "puppy dog" on his way out. Way to make an exit, Scarface.
3) Found out that as happy as I was to be out of debt, the government has put me right back in with a stupid mistake done by yours truly. My wife is right, there are some things that I am good at (mind you she couldn't list any at that moment), but money just ain't it. I can FIND ways to spend money.
4) I have a quest. I could go into the reasons why I am on this quest, but it is probably better not to at this time. The quest is to see how long I can go with out kissing my wife or trying any advances toward her. She stated the other day that all I ever do is go around trying to kiss her when she is busy (sometimes I do that just to get her going... it's fun, just trust me). And when I am not doing that, I am begging, bartering, threatening, pleading, whimpering to have sex. So.... trying to see how this goes. Juvenile? yes. Immature? of course. But I just checked with Vegas and my over/under is 2 weeks. Can I go two weeks living with my wife like she was a roommate? I think I could actually go a whole month, but one day at time, soldiers! BTW, we are at 2 days and counting!
5) Went yesterday to make sure my vasectomy took. Well, first of all... the doctor I went to does not want to have you "obtaining your specimen" there. So, they give you a cup to use no longer than 1 hour before visit. Of course, I lost the cup they gave me for a specimen. Then after the humiliation for asking for another cup 15 minutes before my appt., I was in a quandary. I am too far from the house and really don't know where to go to obtain such specimen. Let me just tell you something - not a big fan of "obtaining specimens" in any type of public area. I had to go the 8th floor of another building, find a bathroom area that I can lock the door and have some privacy, just to get this taken care of. And another thing, they give you this big gigantic cup.... come on now... you seriously think we need that big cup? So.... as if it isn't embarrassing enough of what I have already said, I go in and the doctor, in front of 2-3 women, pulls out my specimen cup from the discrete bag I was given and holds it up to the light. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!?!?!? I wait in my room, wanting to just die of an aneurysm right there so I won't have to make the embarrassing walk down the hall. Doc comes in and tells me that I still have some live swimmers and that I have to come back in one month. In the meantime... "have lots of protected sex with your wife to get rid of all living". Great.... 1 day into my quest and I have a doctor prescribing sex with my wife. I did ask if he could write it down on a prescription tablet for my wife - a joke I am sure he has heard a million times. Too bad I am on my quest now.
This is my life!
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Where the hell have I been?
Well, in true Browner fashion.... I forgot my ID and password. Yes, a smart man would have just hit the "forgot id and password" button, but that is not the way I roll my friends. I am a simple man. I cannot take the two minutes out of my day to hit a freaking button.... I digress....
So...what to talk about. You know, I have about had it with my job. It is like I start over every week. I could have the best week in the world and by Monday, I am back to being at square one with something to have to prove and I just get tired. Tired of proving that I can be the sole provider for my family while keeping it together personally, professionally, and spiritually. I am exhausted when I get home and while my wife does 110% of the jobs around the house, there is always more to be done. The 5 little "angels" seem to get into EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! It is like I am a hamster in that wheel, just running and running and running... How did Forrest Gump do it?
On a better note... we got a Wii on Sunday. This purchase will cause 1 or more of 3 things: (a) my divorce (b) the end of my job, (c) end of my sanity. I love it... it is so simple, but yet so appealing. I highly recommend you try it. I am not the junkie Skelty is with his Band of Halo Brothers, but I do enjoy playing. On Sunday, after the Super Bowl, I whipped my wife's butt on bowling, golf, baseball, and, only to come home on Monday and get waxed by my FREAKING 5 year old who bowled a 169! She is not even able to stand up after bowling, she is so out of control... yet, she destroys me.
SB commercials... while I won't say I hated them all like the masses, I will just point out the things that made me giggle. Andy in drag in the Justin Timberlake/Pepsi one, the giant mouse beating the hell out of that guy with the Doritos (I could just picture Tricky choking on a pork rib as that 200 lb. mouse busts through the wall and delivers a beating to that dude. Crappy commercial, but funny moment. I also thought about Tricky when the baby was creeped out by the clown he had bought with his e-Trade extra coin. For those that don't know, Tricky is a bit freaked out by clowns... that is why when I win the lottery, I am renting a different clown to follow him around every day for a year. Should be minutes of fun. My absolute favorite commercial though was the talking stain... only because the guy interviewing reminded me of Skelty and I could just see him in one of the many interviews he has had in his life with this gigantic stain talking over him. Man, that is some funny stuff. I guess it is better than having you belt open during an interview, right Toby?
There... I got some stuff out of my head. See you guys in two weeks unless I can remember my password this time.
So...what to talk about. You know, I have about had it with my job. It is like I start over every week. I could have the best week in the world and by Monday, I am back to being at square one with something to have to prove and I just get tired. Tired of proving that I can be the sole provider for my family while keeping it together personally, professionally, and spiritually. I am exhausted when I get home and while my wife does 110% of the jobs around the house, there is always more to be done. The 5 little "angels" seem to get into EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! It is like I am a hamster in that wheel, just running and running and running... How did Forrest Gump do it?
On a better note... we got a Wii on Sunday. This purchase will cause 1 or more of 3 things: (a) my divorce (b) the end of my job, (c) end of my sanity. I love it... it is so simple, but yet so appealing. I highly recommend you try it. I am not the junkie Skelty is with his Band of Halo Brothers, but I do enjoy playing. On Sunday, after the Super Bowl, I whipped my wife's butt on bowling, golf, baseball, and, only to come home on Monday and get waxed by my FREAKING 5 year old who bowled a 169! She is not even able to stand up after bowling, she is so out of control... yet, she destroys me.
SB commercials... while I won't say I hated them all like the masses, I will just point out the things that made me giggle. Andy in drag in the Justin Timberlake/Pepsi one, the giant mouse beating the hell out of that guy with the Doritos (I could just picture Tricky choking on a pork rib as that 200 lb. mouse busts through the wall and delivers a beating to that dude. Crappy commercial, but funny moment. I also thought about Tricky when the baby was creeped out by the clown he had bought with his e-Trade extra coin. For those that don't know, Tricky is a bit freaked out by clowns... that is why when I win the lottery, I am renting a different clown to follow him around every day for a year. Should be minutes of fun. My absolute favorite commercial though was the talking stain... only because the guy interviewing reminded me of Skelty and I could just see him in one of the many interviews he has had in his life with this gigantic stain talking over him. Man, that is some funny stuff. I guess it is better than having you belt open during an interview, right Toby?
There... I got some stuff out of my head. See you guys in two weeks unless I can remember my password this time.
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